You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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