So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I wish i was in the wii world.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
try to milk me bitch
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