so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
