pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
