My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
