i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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