the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
