I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
