It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
