cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Apparently you make a good broom.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
We talked him into tasing himself.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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