I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You may now shotgun with the bride
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize