Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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