Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
