I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Use "feeling words"
Yay
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
