i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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