Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
NoShamevember. You game?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
