"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
