ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
