From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
