"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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