i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
