I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
