I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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