you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
