at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
