Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
