that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
