I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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