don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
