So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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