I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
