My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
