He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
