i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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