dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
