i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
