my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
