Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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