well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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