my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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