We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
