Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize