I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
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He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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