Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
