Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
