Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
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Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
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I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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