did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
