the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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