The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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