I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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