We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
