I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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