its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
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The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
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Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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