Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
