he wants to bone in the snuggie
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
