So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
