I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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