FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
