I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
