why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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