apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
