I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
