There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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