Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
