Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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