He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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