sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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