Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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