hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
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Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
My breasts were aching with rage.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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