I'm going to jail i love you
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
