It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
