So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize