It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
