So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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